Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Quarks and Leaks, a Unitary Theory

Roof leaks, window leaks, all kinds of leaks are up there with the great mysteries of the universe. Give me a quark, ask me to understand it, and I can always make something up that sounds roughly right even if in my heart I know that I'm more interested in knowing what it might be like to be a quark, an elementary particle that cannot be observed until it becomes one with others and begins to look something like the hadrons. As a quark I would have an electric charge, I would have a color charge, which is nothing to do with color and has more to do with shades of the three in one of a trinity, I'd have mass and I'd have spin, which is something that in my current configuration as an aging brain on top of a declining body I'm increasingly familiar with. Naturally not all quarks are the same. We come in six flavors and of these six flavors which are up, down, strange, charm, top and bottom, I believe that as a quark I'd come somewhere in the middle.

In some senses, and I'm prepared to argue this quite vehemently, the experience of being a window leak is very different from being a roof leak. Roof leaks drop down from the ceiling, they can make a little noise, and when caught in a bucket they can become musical. They don't creep about like slithering creatures, they're open minded, not shy, they tell it like it is. "Look at me I'm a roof leak!" And the answer to such an assertion from a well balanced two legged male of the species is a polite "Hello again." Window leaks on the hand enter that realm the legal mind might define as Terroristic Threatening. They are a Fifth Column and they are the reason any structure worth it's salt should preserve its integrity by having a secret police force, unanswerable to congress, with orders to shoot on sight. In my view a window leak is kind of like an atomic bomb just waiting to go off. And in terms of its flavors as a leak, single words have not yet been devised that can categorize window leaks in the same way that minds have given words to the rather wonderful quarks. Frankly I'd spit on a window leak if I could find it. 

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